How do you feel when you are sitting in a plane and you are rolling down the runway? Those minutes while you wait for the pilot to get the okay from the tower while the flight attendants are fussing about getting everyone seated and ready to fly. Even if you aren't a "freaked-out flyer", there is something about the anticipation of takeoff. When I feel the force of the plane pushing me into the back of my seat and hear the engines scream, my mind goes straight into a hyper drive conversation,
Will this be my last flight, ever?
Will the person next to me want to chat?
How long before they pass out snacks?
I hope the pilot is awake and sober!
What is that sound coming from the engine? Is that normal?
If that guy doesn't stop coughing, I am requesting a seat change.
Once I hear the bell of 10,000 feet, I chill out, I'm excited about the flight and my destination. I can relax. I don't consider myself a nervous flyer but, there is something about takeoff that makes me kind of lose my mind for a moment.
My connection with God is in that 'waiting for takeoff' stage. I've been seeking Him yet, there is a disconnect. I have the knowledge in my head but, my heart is struggling. I know God is always there but, my heart is needing a little convincing. I've been in this place before and I know that if I just stick with it, our relationship will takeoff again. I usually learn a lot in my waiting.
Right now, God is telling me not to depend on feelings. And that is pretty tough for this Gal who is passionate about emotions. In this time of waiting, I am filling my mind with God's Word, listening to the lessons He is teaching me without being all "girly-girl" about it. Feelings are good, I was made to feel stuff but, right now, I need to focus on the facts.
Last night, I finally confessed to a friend how I was really feeling about my faith. She was awesome and didn't justify what I was going through, she simply listened. Ladies, we should do more listening. Its perfectly okay to sit in the funk of faith because that is where the lessons are learned. My friend didn't try to fix me, she just listened and I super appreciated that.
This morning, I went into my quiet time with Jesus, expecting to just read my portion for the day, chew on it a bit, and then carry-on.
God was ready to talk. I picked up my Jesus Calling devotional that had been collecting dust for a few weeks. Here is a little snippet,
When you feel some lack, it is because you are not connecting with Me at a deep level... stop striving, and watch to see what I will do.
-Jesus Calling, May 21
The Scripture was Micah 7:7 and I happened to read it in the Message version, which was completely satisfying. There is something about that devotional that is supernatural for me, it never fails to bring me into a place of awe and surrender to God.
This is an example of hearing from God. I've been feeling this way for months and it wasn't until I was honest and shared with a friend that God stepped in. He wants us to be transparent and accountable. It confirms my stand, that I will wait upon the Lord because He will make things right and good and true. I look forward to Him pushing on my heart, quickening the engine of my soul, as we takeoff into the next adventure in our relationship.